The "In-Between"
I am at a really weird place in my life right now. As a 25 year-old married woman with a career, I am what I would call an "in between." Let me explain.
Most of our 20-something friends, whether single or in a relationship, spend most weekends (and some weeknights) going out to the bars. They enjoy drinking heavily, spending money on booze, and chatting with strangers. Yes, this is somewhat of a generalization, but the general point is that many, if not most, people in their 20s like to party. Even though Sean & I enjoy occasionally going out, we are not huge drinkers and MUCH prefer spending our nights in our own home with each other. Call us lame, if you want, but that's what we enjoy.
The other of our 20-something friends are parents (or will be in the near future) and are therefore in a completely different phase of life. They have "parent" friends and belong to that group that you can only truly be a part of if you're a parent. They rarely, if ever, spend time with the other 20-something that I mentioned because their lives are so separated.
And then there's us. We don't belong with the bar-going crowd, but we do not yet have a baby of our own. And because of that, we really can't fully belong to either group. Most of my Rochester friends belong to group #1, and though I enjoy their company, it's hard to spend lots of time with them because I prefer to be a homebody. I have some very close friends in group #2, but still feel slightly disconnected because as much as I want children (someday), I do not yet have them and therefore do not fully belong to that group.
When Sean & I were living in Rhode Island and were hoping to make some friends, we used to always talk about how much easier it would be to meet people if we had children. At our apartment complex, parents would often visit with each other while watching their kids play. It really seems as though there's an unspoken "parent bond" that exists once you belong to that group.
We aren't totally alone, of course. We still do have friends in both groups and some other friends who are more "in between," like us. Since we know we aren't going to ever be "party people," the best we can do is look forward to the day that we're part of the parent group and hope that it's all it's cracked up to be!
Most of our 20-something friends, whether single or in a relationship, spend most weekends (and some weeknights) going out to the bars. They enjoy drinking heavily, spending money on booze, and chatting with strangers. Yes, this is somewhat of a generalization, but the general point is that many, if not most, people in their 20s like to party. Even though Sean & I enjoy occasionally going out, we are not huge drinkers and MUCH prefer spending our nights in our own home with each other. Call us lame, if you want, but that's what we enjoy.
The other of our 20-something friends are parents (or will be in the near future) and are therefore in a completely different phase of life. They have "parent" friends and belong to that group that you can only truly be a part of if you're a parent. They rarely, if ever, spend time with the other 20-something that I mentioned because their lives are so separated.
And then there's us. We don't belong with the bar-going crowd, but we do not yet have a baby of our own. And because of that, we really can't fully belong to either group. Most of my Rochester friends belong to group #1, and though I enjoy their company, it's hard to spend lots of time with them because I prefer to be a homebody. I have some very close friends in group #2, but still feel slightly disconnected because as much as I want children (someday), I do not yet have them and therefore do not fully belong to that group.
When Sean & I were living in Rhode Island and were hoping to make some friends, we used to always talk about how much easier it would be to meet people if we had children. At our apartment complex, parents would often visit with each other while watching their kids play. It really seems as though there's an unspoken "parent bond" that exists once you belong to that group.
We aren't totally alone, of course. We still do have friends in both groups and some other friends who are more "in between," like us. Since we know we aren't going to ever be "party people," the best we can do is look forward to the day that we're part of the parent group and hope that it's all it's cracked up to be!
Your blog is beautiful. Infertility places us right smack dab in the in between stage too. So I understand how you feel. Just do you!!! That's all you can do. Looking forward to following your journey.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jessica! It's always nice to know that other people can relate. Have a great Wednesday!
Delete-Emily